Idiot (n) - Cornelius Fudge
by TheNextFolchart
Summary: "If you look up idiot in the dictionary, you know what you'll find?"


**Idiot (n.) - Cornelius Fudge**

_For Aiden Short_

* * *

"If you look up idiot in the dictionary, you know what you'll find?"

Fudge rolled his eyes. "What, pray tell, will I find, Auror Moody? A photograph of myself?"

Moody slammed his hand against the desk, and Fudge jumped back a little. "No," he growled. "You'll find the _definition _of _idiot. _Which you are!"

Fudge sighed. Alastor Moody was the only one who got away with talking to him like this, and that was only because Alastor Moody was the Ministry's Head of Security, so there was no one he could call to have the Auror thrown out of the office. "What would you like me to do?" he asked, trying his hardest not to look at the swirling eye strapped to the Auror's face. "Admit You-Know-Who is back? D'you have any idea what that would do to morale around here?"

Moody opened his mouth and let out one great _Hah! _"Morale?" he repeated. "You're worried about morale? You realize, Cornelius, that Lord Voldemort is murdering your staff, don't you?"

Fudge looked down at his desk out of respect for the casualties. "What happened to Amelia Bones was regrettable," he began, but Moody interrupted him.

"What happened to Amelia Bones was _avoidable_! If you let the world know the truth, instead of cowering in your office and telling the media everything's sunshine and daisies, people would be able to set up defenses, take precautions." Both of Moody's eyes were fixed on Fudge now, and the Minister had started to sweat. "You are dooming your own people, Fudge. The time for worrying about bloody _morale _is over."

Fudge rose to his feet. "You will not speak to me like that. Not in my own office."

"Won't be your office for long," Moody growled, and his eye began to spin again. "Rumors are flying all over the place. The Quibbler's published twelve articles on the subject already - editor's daughter was in the Department of Mysteries last spring with Potter. Meanwhile the Prophet's putting out human interest pieces on which is the best kind of _owl._" He jabbed a large finger at the paper on Fudge's desk, whose headline asked in bold font, _Spotted or Speckled? Which Breed of Bird is Right For You?_

"It's a very interesting article," Fudge said lamely.

Moody braced both palms against the desk and leaned forward until his disfigured nose was nearly touching Fudge's. "Listen to me very carefully," he said. "If you don't make some serious changes around here, you're going to be sacked, Fudge. I can guarantee you that much."

"Now, see here," Fudge said, turning his back on Moody in favor of his large window, which, in spite of being underground, was currently displaying a lovely view of London. "There's nothing I can do about the Prophet. Wiser to keep them quiet. Spreading rumors only feeds the fire. The last thing we need is more chaos."

"Don't give them rumors, then." Moody pointed his wand at the window and made a long shade appear. "Give them the truth."

Fudge sighed and turned back to face his Head Auror. "We don't _know _the truth. And I'm overworked as it is - " (this yielded another _Hah!_ from Moody) " - I can't go around tracking down witnesses. We only have what Dumbledore told us. Every story has two sides, and - "

"If I didn't know better, Cornelius," Moody interrupted, "I'd say you were about to tell me you wanted to hear _Voldemort's _version of what happened. But you're smarter than that, aren't you? You _have _to be."

"Of course that's not what I want," Fudge snapped. "I just meant we don't have all the facts."

Moody groaned. "You have testimonials from no fewer than thirteen people involved in the fight down in the Department of Mysteries. Myself included. If that doesn't cover every side of your bloody story, then I don't know what _does, _short of an interview with Voldemort himself, and - "

"Would you stop saying his _name_?" Fudge hissed.

Moody fixed Fudge with a hard glare. "I was wrong," he said finally. "About the definition of idiot."

"Well, apology accepted, and no hard feel - "

"You're much better suited for the definition of _coward_."

And with that, Moody swept out of his office, and a mildly offended Fudge sat back down and began to read what he found to be a titillating article about owls.

* * *

_Reposted from May 26, 2014_

_[Battleship Challenge: E5 __\- "If you look up idiot in the dictionary, you know what you'll find?"/__"A picture of me?"/__"No! You'll find the definition of idiot! Which you are!"__]_

_[Character Collection Competition: Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody (Order Members)]_

_[Monthly Drabble-A-Thon: Cornelius Fudge]_

_[Call It Heads or Tails Challenge: Tails - write a drabble]_

_[30 Harry Potter Prompts: Owl (animal)]_

_[Hook A Prompt: R8 - Overworked]_

_[Twelve Days of Christmas Style Challenge: Five Eras - Golden Trio (1/5)]_


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